Anxious and Worried About Many Things

Caravaggio's Martha and Mary Magdalene

God certainly has a sense of humor. Yesterday, I went to a noon Mass not knowing that it was being offered for my intentions. (I like how the priest never announces it. I find it more meaningful that way.) After Mass, I had some business to discuss with the celebrant, who had a big smile to share. "Did you know today's Mass was offered for you and your intentions?" 

What a great gift. I was (and still am) so preoccupied with wedding details and my summer work schedule that I haven't really been thinking about much else. How apropos that it was the feast of St. Martha. The more I think about it, the less coincidental I think it is:

Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her. -Luke 10:41-42

Photo Credit: Caravaggio, www.Lib-Art.com

Updo

The trial run went well last night, but I can't post any photos lest I break the "groom cannot see the bride rule." Apparently, others have spent much more time thinking about this than I have.

Eighty Days!

Our invitations have arrived! I cannot wait to put them together and get them in the mail.

#3685: Speaking of Selfless

You know that you are marrying the right man when he consistently puts you before himself. I've been humbled and inspired many times by his selflessness. This weekend we got out of work (my work) pretty late. I really, really, really wanted to go on a date (something that this long-distance relationship makes almost impossible). We were exhausted, but he took me to the Silver Diner. He insisted on driving the 40 minutes back to my temporary home. When we arrived, he rubbed my feet, because they really hurt from the heels I was in all night. He rubbed my shoulders, too, because I always get shoulder tension after this particular event. I fell right to sleep. He then went to sleep on a couch. I am so grateful for his unconditional love. It is an amazing reflection of what God's love for me must be!

Interesting Reading Today

Fidelity to one's spouse is made up of small duties:

• No one else should occupy one's heart and life other than one's spouse;
• Spouses ought to give each other warmth and affection so that their love would not grow cold;
• They must work at understanding and respecting each other;
• They must get to know each other so deeply that they immediately know what would make the other happy;
• They must attend to each other's smallest needs and concerns.

Many little things are easily overlooked because one forgets or takes them for granted. Yet remember that to deny one's spouse or child any token of love, no matter how small, is to deny Christ himself. One cannot underestimate the value of the little details because these spell the difference between success and failure in a marriage. Only the person who cares for the little things in daily life will hear at one's deathbed these words of Christ, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master."

-Javier Abad & Eugenio Fenoy, Marriage: A Path to Sanctity

The Battle for Selflessness

What we wanted to do this weekend:

1. Buy wedding rings
2. Meet with the priest
3. Take some normal photos of us
4. Read a little bit about marriage
5. Make a holy hour together
6. Go on one date
7. Get some rest

What we did this weekend:

1. Arrive home at 1:30 AM on Saturday after fiancé's delayed flight
2. Meet with the priest
3. Spent 10.5 hours at my work activity on Saturday afternoon
4. Go to Silver Diner at 12:20 AM on Sunday to try to have a date during which I almost fell asleep on fiancé's shoulder
5. Babysit and visit with family
6. Go to Mass
7. Drop fiancé off at airport

Poop. I'm still working on the holy resilience!

Me in Eighty-Eight Days (Minus the Head Wreath)

Weekend Conference

The fiancé flew in for our weekend conference. We prepared with 25 other couples, two of whom are getting married this coming weekend! We had about 18 talks and breakout sessions during which we talked about every imaginable issue that was important to us, including roles, finances, and daily schedules. It was an excellent opportunity to break from the normal pace of life and really discuss in depth how we'd like our marriage to look. We had a 2-3 very fruitful conversations, for which I am grateful.

It was kind of fun to meet other couples and hear their stories as well. There were several "mixed" marriages, which we discovered were referred to as "interfaith" by our Baptist/Catholic breakfastmates. Most of the people were our ages. Several of them were ethnically diverse.

An older couple, a younger couple, and a priest led most of the discussions. It was great to hear their experiences, discoveries, and suggestions. Most of the day was focused on conversations about our feelings, so it was a little exhausting after about 10 hours. Though he was a good sport, the fiancé passed me a note just before dinner on Saturday saying that he was done talking about his feelings and he needed a beer.

It was really, really, really nice to be in a setting away from work and not to be recognized by anyone. We listened and laughed and talked about how other couples makes us glad to be with each other. ;)

Bummer.

I just realized that this song I wanted for the father/daughter dance is actually about a mother!

Blessed Kateri, Pray for Us!

Today is the Feast of Blessed Kateri! She's a special intercessor for the fiancé and I. As early as 2007, he prayed at her tomb for my happiness.

When I began my job, a priest gave me a relic of Bl. Kateri, which I keep on my desk with a prayer for her canonization. Unfortunately, there is not much known about her life, besides that she was scarred and nearly blinded at a young age from the small pox; she converted to Christianity when Christians were still persecuted (and killed) by her tribe; and she was a consecrated virgin, who served the sick and aged, dying at the young age of twenty-four.

Last November, I was able to visit the North American Martyrs Shrine in Auriesville, New York. There, two newlywed friends promised to pray through her intercession that I would meet my future spouse soon. They also visited her tomb on their honeymoon and prayed for me there. (Don't I have the best friends?!?!)

Just one month later, the fiancé contacted me again. Thanks be to God! Blessed Kateri, help us to imitate your innocence and faith.

Photo Credit: Einar Einarsson Kvaran (Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi, Santa Fe, New Mexico)

Handsome Little Man Suiting Up

It's funny to think about what different places we were in until last year. This little guy was 5 1/2 when I was born. I was in 6th grade when he was a senior in high school. His last year of law school was my first year of undergrad. I don't remember the 80's; he loves them.

We met when he had 4 years of professional experience under his belt; I had a 2-month-old real estate license. Yet, beyond all of these things, we really hit it off!

Two years ago, our time in service to the church coincided. Slowly, we were coming to the same place. Sometimes, it's amazing to me how things happened!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Sometimes the Lord cracks me up. He apparently thinks that I can handle a lot more than I think I can.

When I first got engaged, one of my colleagues who just got married said that she and her husband were contemplating buying a new place before the wedding. She told him that she didn't want to because she could only handle one major change at a time.

A little while later, my boss told me that the biggest causes of depression are life-changes, like marriage or the birth of a child.

Last night, I met our old landlords to get a piece I had left in the house. They were really excited for us and asking me all about the wedding plans. Then she said, "I can only handle two major changes at one time," referring to her wedding and move.

How will my life change in the next 4 months, let me count the ways:

1. Marriage
2. Move 550 miles
3. New job (please, God!)
4. Possible pregnancy

The funny thing is that I'm not so stressed out about it at the moment. I think the most beneficial thing that will come of this, is that the fiance and I will grow together as a couple. He has a lot of adjustments to make too - and a lot of new pressures. I'm looking forward to working with him through our new challenges and joys. And I still think that I will like marriage 100x more than being single!

Meanwhile, the little chapel near his work may become my favorite place and my Bible bookmark may be found anywhere in the Psalms.

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46

Wedding Dreams

Perhaps these are the first steps to becoming Bridezilla! Two nights ago, I dreamed that we were getting married in Wisconsin that day, everyone had forgotten about our wedding, and I was frantically calling everyone - including the groom - to be sure that they were still going to be there. Last night, I dreamed that we were getting married at David's Bridal, the ceremony was about to take place (all the priests were there), and we realized that someone had stolen my wedding dress. David's Bridal's people were telling me that having my wedding dress wasn't really that important at that point and I should just put on a small black & white dress that they had. I was telling them that it was important, and just before I started to cry, I woke up.

Admittedly, I need help.

In Defense of "A Short Engagement" (*Gasp*)

I've heard from many, many people now referring to our little arrangement as a "short engagement." In a way, it's true. It is 6.5 months. The national average is 17 months. (And we only dated for 3.5 months before that point.) However, I'm somewhat dismayed that the "short engagement" is usually said with a negative tone. We think that there are a lot of good reasons to "get the show on the road" once you discern that you want to marry each other.

For example, we have our ages and experience in our favor. This may not be the case for two people who are 21, but that is not us. We've both traveled extensively, held jobs on or near Capitol Hill, and served the church for a few years. We've also both considering serving the church as celibates and concluded that we could best serve God as married people living in the world. We've discussed many, many issues that often cause friction among married couples today, not the least of which are intimacy, spending money, and raising children. We have also recognized flaws/issues in each other which we have discussed. We do not feel that we are entering into a relationship with perfect people, but we do feel that we are entering into a relationship with people who are perfect for us.

Other considerations include the negative effects of delaying marriage. We believe in the benefits of extending abstinence until the point that vows are exchanged. Besides all of the positive physical and psychological benefits of this approach, it makes the wedding day itself truly special. Most people who have a year-and-a-half long engagement period are not doing the same thing.

Also, consider the damaging statement sent to a woman, who has invested time, energy, and love in the prime of her life to a special person, who is just not quite sure that he is ready to marry her. Having been in such a relationship and watching many of my girlfriends experience such relationships, I can say that wasting a woman's time is something to be concerned about. Conversely, what a compliment is it to a woman, with whom a man has dated and discerned that he should get married, when he proposes shortly thereafter? What does that tell her? I am not just playing around. I really love you. I am committed to you. I'm ready to sacrifice for you and change my life so that we can be together. When it comes to love, actions really do speak louder than words.

One of the attributes I prayed that my spouse would have was motivation. I really, really wanted to be with a man of action. Not just any action, but a man who informs himself and then moves ahead based on the information he has gleaned; a man who, once he has discerned the right course of action, actually performs the action. As my dear old roommate likes to say (from John Wayne): Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. Thanks be to God, I got more than what I asked for!

The Invitation Saga

Yet another more-difficult-than-one-would-expect-project. It began about 4 weeks ago when a friend and I went to look at Office Depot, A.C. Moore, and Michael's to see where we could get the best invitations for our money. It was surprisingly difficult to find any set (online or otherwise) that used post cards for responses, which will end up saving us a few dollars on postage.

We e-mailed professional printers, who sent us paper samplings, printing costs, etc. How much with return addresses printed on the back of envelopes, etc. (I decided that it was worth saving the $100 and hand-writing the return addresses.) We asked ourselves:

• Should we buy our own, design them and print them ourselves (need to pay for ink, lots of work) or
• Should we buy our own, design one and have a Kinkos print them (saves money, but perhaps looks cheap) or
• Should we have a printer use paper that we bought with our design (easier, saves less money) or
• Should we have a printer use his paper and evelopes and print what we design (easiest, a little pricier)

So we locked in a great printer, who had a good working relationship with my friend. We were happy to pay people who treat us professionally, especially if the cost is within $50-$75 of doing everything ourselves.

The next question was the language. I was so grateful to have the fiancé's help on this one! What do we choose? Everyone is helping us in some way (and we are covering some if it as well). Miss Manners doesn't have an answer for this one!

• Bride & Groom Host (Formal)
• Bride & Groom Host (Informal)
• Bride's Parents Host
• Bride & Groom's Parents Host (they are each hosting a reception in our hometowns)

Luckily we were limited by the links that were actually working on that web page. We were also limited by the space available on our stylish and small invites! Now that we have the language in, we need to find red ribbon on sale (it almost always is at A.C. Moore or Michael's) and purchase it in bulk.

Next stop: the guest list. I recently receive this article, from a friend who was trying to help us make a few decisions. I was floored that any non-married person would write such an article about an endeavor that he was not willing to undertake himself. Yet, this is what people do: offer unsolicited advice. I think I will resort to the, "Oh, are you offering to pay for that?"

T-100. :)

One Hundred Days!

Today the Knot says that our wedding is just one hundred days away! Here's a thought from Tertullian:

How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit. -CCC 1642, quoting Tertullian

Surprise Weekend!

This weekend, I drove into Detroit to surprise my man with an earlier-than-expected visit. I thought surely I was busted when I was "driving home" from work for over an hour. But one benefit of those long attorney workdays, is that they have him good and wiped out at the end of the day. So, on Friday morning, I surprised him at his office with my presense and a fresh chai latte. (We have to take advantage of these before-kids opportunities!)

We were able to look at a bunch of properties, finish our wedding website, set our invitation language, pick out a few readings, spend time with his family, and even make a trip to Lake Michigan!

The drive was so beautiful, I often wondered why I don't travel more! Ironically, I saw 11 cops (9 of whom were in Ohio) and not one of them stopped me!

Thought of the Day:

“Persevere in the exact fulfillment of the obligations of the moment. That work – humble, monotonous, small – is prayer expressed in action that prepares you to receive the grace of the other work – great and wide and deep – of which you dream.” –St. Josemaria Escriva

Three-and-a-Half Months!

But who is counting?

I like this photo because he was laughing at something I said. (I admit it: I'm horribly vain.) If someone laughs at my jokes, I love him forever! :)

Aghast!

Today I saw a CV from a gentleman who is still in school, has had no full-time work experience besides the summers in between school, and passed off 3 pages of "experience" with a typo in it. Dude, you're not important enough for a CV yet. Stick with the perfected, one-page résumé. Thank you!