Pertinent Reflections from Evening Prayer

By waiting and by calm you shall be saved;

In quiet and in trust your strength lies.

-Isaiah 30:15

Commit your life to the Lord;

Trust in Him and He will act,

So that your justice breaks forth like the light,

Your cause like the noon-day sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait in patience;

Do not fret at the man who prospers,

A man who makes evil plots to bring down the needy and the poor.

Calm your anger and forget your rage;

Do not fret, it only leads to evil.

For those who do evil shall perish;

The patient shall inherit the land.

A little longer - and the the wicked shall have gone.

Look at his place; he is not there.

But the humble shall own the land,

And enjoy the fullness of peace.

-Psalm 37

Source: Evening Prayer (Liturgy of the Hours) 6-30-10

New Hair

On Friday, my stylist added the last color treatments to my hair. We combined two colors to get a medium "ash," which was the closest we could come to my natural color.

I really hate to challenge the professionals, but in this case I'm so glad I did. He was going to use a darker color, but I insisted that his color was darker than my natural color. This is the end result, which is probably as close as I am going to get to au naturel. Just a few more shampoos and trips to the beach and I will look like my old self.

Such A Special Year!

Every previous year on my birthday (after the age of 4), I thought about getting married. Not that I felt that the entire worth of my life was dependent upon getting married, but (with the right person) it sure could improve me. But, the older I got, the more I wondered if I would ever get married.

Then, an old friend came knocking. He was very direct, purposeful, and flattering. He told me just before we started dating that I had "way too much going for [me] to be single forever." (Flattery will get you everywhere.) He also said that he could see me married within the next two years. I thought that that was a bit bold, but I do love assertiveness in a man. I decided to explain to him all of the reasons why it was just as possible that I would be single forever (not willing to marry the wrong person just to get married, etc.) We went back and forth. Then I thought: he can put up with my crap. I really like him. I think that was the first time I thought that he was probably the man for me.

So this year, it was so wonderful to spend my birthday with my very best friend, the one who challenges and encourages me, and the one who sacrifices every day for me. Praise God!

On the Job

Love Is:

• Ordering a U-Haul van two days in advance for fiancée.
• Flying out on Friday after a 65-hour workweek.
• Picking up a van in near-100 degree weather, and moving fiancée.
• Helping fiancée dispose of a bed that no one wanted.
• Bringing fiancée some refreshing water, while she stays cool in car.
• Taking fiancée on a special birthday date!

He's a keeper.

Centerpiece Options

Here are some of our centerpiece options. My bridesmaids have offered to help put them together. (Don't I have the best team?!?!) Which do you like best?

Gerber daisies = 80 stems for $75 at Costco (retail $3.75 per stem)

Clear glass lily bowl = 6 for $4 each at Save on Crafts (retail $9.00 each)

Roses = 125 stems for $150 at Costco 

The average cost of floral table centerpieces is $1,272 according to The Bridal Association of America. (The average period of engagement is also 17 months, haha! I'm pretty sure that we are average in none of the categories!)

Wedding Website Almost Finished!

We are getting so close to having all of the guest details set! Yesterday, we reserved our hotel rooms. We are so happy with the rates! (Thanks to the fiancé's dad, who found the best deal.)

We're also almost ready to order our invitations. One of my colleagues is helping me to research and select the best design/price. I had no idea that you could pick up stylish wedding invitations at Office Depot for literally 1/4 of most prices! (They also sell blue gel pen inserts for much less than the price of full pen replacements.)

Wedding services have come so far in the last couple of decades. I'm amazed at how helpful TheKnot.com has been. They offer their services to brides-to-be for free, and provide websites with wedding, reception, directions, registries, and rsvp options for your guests. Of course, we are sending elegant hard-copy invitations, but our guests may also find all necessary information online - in one place. Going to a wedding has never been so easy!

Floral Adventure

Heidi and I walk into the local florist (there is only one).

No one is in sight.

We notice that the place smells like animals.

A cat tears across the lobby floor.

A couple of minutes pass.

We walk around the lobby, looking at floral arrangements.

Suddenly, a woman from that back says, "Oh, Hello!" as though she did not see us until then. "May I help you?"

Me: "yes. I am getting married down the street in a few months and would like to talk with someone about bouquet options and prices."

Attendant (curtly): "you need to speak with Jane Smith . . ." writing down number on a piece of paper, "at this number." She hands us a sheet of paper and starts toward the back room.

Heidi: "Is it possible to order gerber daisies in bulk and what would that rate be?"

Attendant (annoyed): "They are $3.75 each, but you need to speak with Jane, okay?"

Heidi and I: "Thank you for your help."

We leave and called the church to see which florists they use. It couldn't possibly be the same place! But it was. Apparently, the other florist in town went out of business. Whatever happened to healthy competition?

I have two appointments with out-of-area-florists next week and will hopefully find a talented, polite florist between them. We plan to cut back by arranging the centerpieces ourselves and using the professional florist for bouquets and boutonnieres. It's frustrating that the prices for everything are significantly higher if they are for a wedding (hair, food, hall, flowers, etc.) even though you are getting the exact same thing. I'm crossing my fingers and pulling out those rusty negotiating skills. :)

Let Me Count the Ways . . .

#3684 would be: the cowboy boots. I met this man in Washington, D.C. -- in the middle of the city -- wearing cowboys boots. Unless you are from here or currently live here, you won't understand how unusual it is to find anyone who 1) knows where to find cowboys boots, or 2) would wear them.

Often, I was out on the town in my decent, discount heels, surrounded by men in Prada, which (in my humble opinion) is only okay if the man is pope. So when I saw the fiancé walking around confidently in his country footwear, it brought a huge smile to my face, and it still does whenever I think about it!

Times Are Changing

he roommates and I have been busy packing up the house, throwing bridal showers, engagement parties, and last minute get-togethers before we endeavor upon 3 new adventures. We sat on the couch on Sunday morning for the first time in months, together and alone, for the last time.

The moments are bitter-sweet. It has been almost 3 years, and we have gone through significant changes in that time. Each of us has grown and really come into our own. And, as Fr. H. loves to say, when one is finally comfortable where he is, God normally calls him on. It's exciting and scary at the same time. We have the peace of knowing that wherever we are, we will be praying for each other.

A guest paid us the highest compliment the other day. She said that our home was truly joy-filled -- a Christ-like place, full of charity, warmth and welcome. She even went so far as to say that she aspires to be the same way. I was genuinely touched and pray that that is always truly the case!

#3683: Expanded

#3683: He really values integrity. I have always been struck by how accurately and thoroughly he communicates - breaking the ruthless attorney stereotype. Often times when we are talking, I exaggerate. He stops and asks for clarification. I say that I am exaggerating. Then he says that the issue's exactness is actually important for x, y, and z reasons with a, b, and c consequences.

He is a huge believer in doing what is right, regardless of what is easy. And again, this is demonstrated more through his actions than flowery words. He desires to do the right thing, whether that be paying the exact amount of taxes he owes; calling me and telling me where he is going and what he is doing; or working on the weekends so that our weekends together are free from distractions. I'm so glad that the Lord chose such a man for me. I really know that he loves me, and see God's love for me through him!

Generous DC Drivers?

Actually overheard today:

I have always been impressed by how generous drivers are. I never get cut off and I drive over 36,000 miles per year. The people who get cut off are generally the people who drive too aggressively.

I was aghast, but genuinely tickled to be called "wild" again!

Grateful!

Today, I get to see my spiritual director. In the midst of about 5 deadlines, I get 100 minutes of peace. Thank you, Jesus! :)

Four Months and Counting!

This morning, I was awoken at 6:15 by my favorite person, who wanted to let me know that he was thinking of me. The morning call has become a little ritual since I've adjusted my schedule to fit in a workout before Mass. His calls really mean a lot to me. There's nothing like waking up in the morning and immediately being reminded that someone really cares about you and wants you to have a great, productive day!

We are normally on our way to church at that hour, which reminds me of reason #3,682 that I am so grateful to be marrying this man: his spiritual life. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart, I know that he prays for me at the same time and in the same way that I pray for him. His love for God shines forth in a million little ways, having to do with actions more than flowery words. He desires to serve others and is always serving me when we are together. He always helps with whatever needs to be done (dishwashing and dinner prep included) while I'm working on other chores. He's flown and driven thousands of miles over the last 6 months, many times for fewer than 48 hours so that we could be together for the weekend. Then he turns right around to begin more intense, demanding workweeks. He is a good man.

Reason #3,683 would be that he really values integrity. I have always been struck by how accurately and thoroughly he communicates - breaking the ruthless attorney stereotype. But that's another blog post . . .

What Makes A Good Marriage Last?

Yesterday, there were many posted commentaries on Catholic blogs and other sources (NewAdvent.org, etc.) regarding the split of former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Mary Elizabeth, commonly known as "Tipper." It's particularly disheartening from the perspective of someone going into marriage for the first time, especially considering that this separation comes after both pitching himself as the "faithful" politician in the wake of the Clinton scandal involving Monica Lewinsky AND having already worked through 40 years of marriage with his wife.

Today, I spoke with two parties, who were losing their spouse/significant others after 20 years and 5 years of commitment. Needless to say, that is really disheartening!

I am admittedly a little phobic (meaning that I think that what happens to most people will also happen to me) unless I can identify the cause and not let that cause happen. So, as I was listening to these conversations, one thing rang true in both cases: the party leaving did not share the faith or values of the brokenhearted party.

So, I looked up the next book on my reading list, Three to Get Married, for a quick little shot of encouragement before I left work with divorce on my mind. Here's a little nougat:

It takes three to make Love in Heaven--

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

It takes three for Heaven to make love to earth--

God, Man, and Mary, through whom God became Man.

It takes three to make love in the Holy Family--

Mary, and Joseph, and the consummation of their love, Jesus.

It takes three to make love in hearts--

The Lover, the Beloved, and Love.

To that Woman

Who taught the sublime mystery of Love,

Mary Immaculate,

This book is dedicated.

That nations, hearts, and homes may learn

That love does not so much mean to give oneself to another

As for both lovers to give themselves to that Passionless Passion,

Which is God.

A Simple Thank You

Last week, one of our partnering organizations sent me a cyclamen as a way to thank me for spreading the word about their events over the last two years. I was so grateful for this gesture, especially because I really try to keep an accurate, centralized listing for our target audience. Often times, I feel overwhelmed because of the number of new events, changes to events, and some research work that I inevitably have to do to get accurate information on our calender, which is just a small component of my job. Still, every week I notice at least one error and I wonder, when will this be perfect?

Sometimes, it's hard to remember the successes or the ways people have been helped. One time, I noticed a doubling in attendance of an event after we began promoting it; another more notable success was when a girlfriend e-mailed me to thank me for my work. She said that she has never been so happy in her life. Praise God!

I really hope that my work always helps others, whether coordinating events, serving coffee, or changing diapers. It is a daily struggle to remain motivated, cheerful, and productive - just one of the joys of life on earth. St. Josemaría, pray for us.

How Long Until October Again?

This long-distance thing is really difficult, although we do have a blast when we are together!

One of my married girlfriends gave us this meditation and prayer to us to reflect upon as we prepare for marriage. It's helped me focus on the purpose of sacramental union:

At the wedding reception in Cana, when they ran out of wine, Jesus was there for them and performed His first miracle by changing water to wine. It showed His concern for the newlyweds and the Sacrament of marriage. Jesus will always be there for both of you. Love was the foundation of what He taught.

Dear Jesus, bless this union as we start our lives together as man and wife. Bless our home with Your sacred presence. Give us the joy which you left with that unknown couple at Cana. May Your peace live always in our hearts and in our home. Amen.

Weekend Adventure #2: Men's Formal Attire

Is it just me, or do men start out shopping with less patience, because they've already submitted to doing something that they hate? We made the most of this trip, although I was somewhat shocked that the service was so slow and the attitude apathetic. (It started with a limp handshake.)

At the end of the trip we had selected colors and removed one supplier from the list of options.

"Let Him Have the Gun . . ."

". . . or he will be bored out of his mind," came through my cell phone the voice of an unnamed relative, who loves to give unsolicited advice. So, I asked the fiancé and he agreed: the bridal registry is boring as that bad word. Here he is after we spent hours at Macy's (and went through 2 dysfunctional scanners) for bedding and bath goods; and an hour at Target. We were trying to answer the final question: "How did two blenders end up on our registry?" The best part of the trip was realizing that many items were placed out in front of the wrong bar codes at Target. The good news? We researched and placed the items of the best value on our registry, including many items for $20 or under, and even more for less than $40. I'm mostly proud of our dinner sets for $35! Each of Target's items have reviews online. It was shocking how some of the cheaper items had better reviews!

The Importance of Being Whole

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A  relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
         ~Oprah Winfrey

Oprah may not be my role model in all things, but she has suffered a lot throughout her life. There is a certain wisdom that comes from overcoming bad experiences.

The fiancé and I were just talking about this. It is so easy to enter into a relationship because it initially assuages your wounds. There is nothing so wonderful as knowing that the life of another is greatly touched by yours - a life that would be devastated without you. But sooner or later - if you have serious baggage - the object of your affection will not be able to assuage your wounds enough. They will resurface and one or both of you will feel betrayed. One or both of you will feel resentment. 
 
Ironically, I am grateful for the past suffering I've been through. It really forced me to focus on my fears and insecurities. I used to never let men get close to me because I was afraid that they would abandon me. After all, it happens all the time. I was confident that I could initially attract a man, get him to ask me out, and to think about me constantly for a few months. That part was easy. But to expect him to see all of me, and love all of me for life - would that ever happen?
 
I'm not ashamed to write this or to talk about it because it's a fear that almost every woman has. In fact, I'm confident enough to question the sanity of any woman who claims that this is not the case.
 
Though I'm a novice in overcoming this fear, so far I've discovered something amazing! It doesn't really matter whether a man displays initial interest and then walks away, or whether he proposes and then breaks up with me (although this would be extremely painful). The point is that in the end the only security I have - which is all I need - is that God loves me unconditionally and is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to reveal Himself to me completely in all His glory. I won't ever have complete security before the afterlife.
 
Having said as much, to coin the fiancé's phrase, I am so grateful to be with someone who really cares for me, understands me, and tries to let me know every day how much he cares. I'm completely confident that he'll be with me in good times and bad. He understands the importance of being a whole person too, and works on himself every day. We both have overcome obstacles, anchored ourselves on the cross, and - I believe - are ready for the challenges of marriage.
 
Toward the end of Wednesday's talk (linked to the title of this post), the speaker mentions the capacities for intimacy and aloneness, and the importance of having both. She advises being flexible with one's spouse, and being open to giving/receiving the intimacy one needs from family and friends as well as one's spouse. She uses the analogy of a beer stein and a shot glass - the capacities for intimacy. She claims to have a been stein, while her engineer, left-brain husband has a shot glass. Coming to an acceptable compromise, he spends more time in prayer first and she fills up her beer stein 90% of the way through family and friends.
 
I'm excited to learn how this all plays out in married life, but so far, I'd say that the fiancé and I are both beer steins. :)

Thank God for Small Favors!

The other day I was in church and the priest who is preparing us came inside. He asked how I was doing and then how my fiancé was doing. We chuckled a bit. Then he told me that we were a good match.

We already thought this was the case, but it's so nice to hear it from people we respect. I like it when people get excited about our amazing ideas! ;)

Au Naturel

After being refused by my favorite stylist because my "hair will turn green," I decided to try another to get back to my natural color. This is a bit dark, but he claims that once you strip your hair of color (the bleeching process resulting in my previously super-blonde hair), you need to over-do it a little with color, which will fade. So this is step one. Step two, apparently, will result in my natural color.

One thought: It's a good thing I started working on this 4 months before the wedding. The nice thing is that the fiancé prefers my natural color. That was the final impetus when my dark blond roots grew to an inch again. I've been wanting to go back for a while now, but afraid of what that would involve. (Like the two-toned look for 4 years until it grows back - *shudder!*) Hopefully, at the end of this process, I will never have to dye my hair again!

My sister and I recently drew the conclusion that having a great haircut & style is significantly more important than the color. The natural summer sun is flattering enough. :)

Ceremony and Reception Site Confirmed!

We will be getting married at my beautiful parish, est. 1892, and we're having a beautiful, catered barn reception! This will be us!

Ahhhh!

I'd just like to say that almost every weekend between now and the wedding is booked with a work event, pre-marital requirement, or family gathering. My spare time after work on weekdays is limited as well. A couple of girlfriends are still waiting for me to get back to them with times we can get together. The truth is: I have no time. At the end of the work day, I like to pray and reflect, especially as we prepare for this profound sacrament. At the beginning of the day, I like to work out. If I am not faithful to my personal time for prayer and working out, I'm not a nice person to be around.

Additionally, though I love my job, I am working with young people, some of whom have not learned how to be professional and responsive when making event commitments. So, it's not unusual for me to wait 2-7 days to hear back from someone, when corresponding about specific dates. Sometimes, we have to go back and forth 4 or 5 times, so it could take over a month to actually get a definitive date. This is a severely frustrating waste of my time. I really wish young people were more considerate and respectful.

I feel like I'm parenting already, sigh!

There's a shining city, west of here . . .

This was us last weekend. Plus ninety years.

I was so happy to visit and see all of the local attractions, where my fiancé grew up, went to school, church, and played. The area is much different than I expected. It feels like a small town because there is so much open land everywhere. In fact, the city is about the same size as the one in which I currently live, but encompasses twice the mileage.

I really wish that I had more time, but for now this quote will have to do. I find it profound and am so grateful that the fiancé and I share the same religion, spirituality, and values. Life is so much better this way!:

Your love is better than life. -Psalm 63