Moving!

New vocation. New blog.

Pleasantly Surprised

One of the things that every married couple told us was that we would receive a lot of what we needed to start a life together from family and friends as wedding gifts. I guess I wasn't prepared for just how generous everyone would be.

We currently have almost all of our cookware, glasses, mugs, plates, bowls, bedding, towels, and home appliances.

We also received a bunch of amazing personalized gifts, like a sketch of the church where we will be married, a beautiful image of Mary, a statue of the Infant of Prague (which apparently every married couple is supposed to get), and a bowling trophy lamp with our names engraved from my future father-in-law.

In addition, friends sent checks and money, which we have not decided where to put yet, but definitely will be able to use!

Finally, my girlfriends/bridal party threw a tasteful bridal shower last Saturday night. It was such a nice chance to catch up with a bunch of girls I haven't seen much of since our engagement. We also received lovely gifts there. In fact, Miss Heidi gave me the entire Time Wise set, including the Replenish, which has done wonders for my skin since I began using it two weeks ago. My skin has literally never felt this clean and soft! 

Overall, we've been moved (really!) by how much everyone is helping us to get started. It seems like people just really like to help others get married. Thanks be to God!

Photo: My sister and I on Saturday

Nineteen Days More!

Photo Credit: Aunt Mary

Done:

1. Mass readings - check
2. Ceremony music - check
3. Attire - check
4. Decorating/Setup crew - check
5. DJ - check
6. Cleanup crew - check
7. Bridal shower - check
8. Rehearsal details - check
9. Beauty plan - check
10. Wedding veil & shoes - check

 

What's left:

1. Final music list - separated according to dinner & dance
2. Marriage license
3. Final meetings with priest
4. Finish creating wedding favors
5. Bridal party gifts
6. Ceremony program
7. Buy tulle or gossamer and choose another decoration
8. Tanning
9. Moving

 

We are so close! I'm even happier 19 days out that I chose this man and so grateful that God made it all possible!

Jacket: Solved

Both my future mother-in-law, who is a great seamstress, and a seamstress out here, who made a friend's wedding dress told me that the jacket is perfect for my dress!

I'm convinced that I was just thinking about and looking at it for too long.

Cannot Sleep

Frantically looking for sleeve/jacket/bolero/shrug options that I like. Cannot. Find. Anything. :(

Wisconsin Engagement Party

Photo credits: Aunt Mary Ann

We finally introduced the fiance to most of our family and friends. This is the 4th weekend in a row that he traveled more than 500 miles one way so that we could be together and take care of wedding details. (More photos are posted on Facebook.)

Look at how helpful he is!

Thirty More Days!

This brings me to #3689: He would die for me. I was thinking about this after yesterday's reading and this beautiful, recent story about a Canadian man who saved his wife and unborn child's lives by his split-second decision to steer them away from an oncoming vehicle. He died. They lived.

The fiancé shows me in small ways every day that he will sacrifice for me. He immediately takes action if something seems wrong. He never hesitates. I appreciate that so much about him. I don't even have to ask him, I know that he's willing to die for me if it came to that. He is a good, good man. I can't wait to marry him!

Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts.

But I shall show you a still more excellent way.

If I speak in human and angelic tongues

but do not have love,

I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy

and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge;

if I have all faith so as to move mountains,

but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own,

and if I hand my body over so that I may boast

but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It is not jealous, love is not pompous,

it is not inflated, it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing

but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

-1 Corinthians 12-13

#3688: He's Helpful

Here's a story of 3 lovely vases, that do not really resemble lily vases. They, however, are sold in bulk and picked up locally, which will save us about $100 in shipping.  The fiance surprised me this evening by stopping in after work.

"Honey, I'm here at the store and there are lots of vases. What were the dimensions of those lily bowls you wanted?"

"I don't remember." 

After trying to describe the things with ligaments as measurements, I asked him to e-mail me photos. I think he wanted to buy them right then. :(

#3687: Romance

It's important. I'm not going to lie. He knows how to make me feel special.

#3686 From MBAs to a J.D.

I really appreciate the fiancé's intelligence and pragmatism. From the moment we started dating, I stopped worrying about a lot of things: money, my safety, and having to be the hard-nosed one facing the world alone.

Last weekend, we finalized details with the florist. She was very helpful but PUSHY. She kept telling me that we wanted two altar arrangements (at $140 each) in order to pull the colors of the bridal party together. I looked at the first draft of quote and saw that she somehow had convinced me previously to allow her to write "2". (I already talked to the church coordinator, who told me that it was customary to offer one.) As I sat again in her lobby - this time with the fiancé - she began to draw the same diagram. She explained how the colors would get lost if there was only one arrangement. He just looked at her and said, "we want one." She immediately dropped it and didn't bring it up again.

I don't know how he pulls that off, but I'm sure glad he does! I pray that we have a long, happy life together. He is perfect for me. :)

House Hunting

I think I found what we want! Thank goodness the boss let us off at 3:00 PM today! :)

And the Good News Is . . .

My healthy lunch.

We will be staying in the area! I can't tell you how happy this makes me! Not only was I really going to miss my sister's family, but I was facing a difficult job market in Michigan. We had so many obstacles to life in Michigan, that we finally took them as indications that we were supposed to live out here. I never realized how happy I would be - and how happy he would be as a result. We've received a lot of help with employment and housing since we made the decision (like night and day!), which was the reason I initially began working out here and not in Wisconsin in the first place. Unfortunately, the job market has changed significantly over the last few decades. I really wish that the entire family were nearer, but the better jobs do allow for travel and a whole lot of security. We will continue to do our best to keep in touch with everyone we love from the Midwest. God is so good!

What I Like About Living with Family:

"Aunt Kateri, that dress looks very, very, 

VEEERRRRY beautiful on you! 

I think Uncle Rich will like it." 

-Anne Marie

So Excited!

A very special prayer was answered today on the Memorial of St. Monica. I can't wait to blog about it in a little while!!! :)

The Battle of the Bulge (and Not the Ardennes Offensive)

Despite general advice to weigh oneself once per week (at the same time of day) in order to maintain weight control, I tend to weigh myself daily in slightly less attire than is shown to the left. My goal before our wedding is to be 5-7 pounds less than I am right now - and to be in good physical condition.

Last month I joined Jazzercise, a program that takes place in my building after work. It's normally a room full of women, who perform a combination of cardiovascular and hand weight routines to popular songs. The routines combine a variety of dances, including ballet, salsa, hip-hop, etc. Each 60 minute class can help one burn up to 600 calories. So far, I've notice a difference in my shape. However, my weight remains the same. (I am writing this while eating a piece of cheesecake.)

Previously, however, I was able to eat desserts intermittently and still maintain a weight less than my current weight. The problem is that I've been traveling so much over the last two months, that my meals tend to be fast and fatty. I lose weight during the week and gain weight on the weekend. However, for the last 52 days (we have 1 month & 3 weeks to go), my schedule is a little slower. I'm determined to get to bed on time, get up early, offer all my desired prayers each day, drink 8 glasses of water each day, and exercise at least 5 times per week.

Yesterday, I had to laugh out loud because a young, immigrant gentleman told me that I "keep nice body." I'm not sure if it was because he saw me carrying two 32-packs of soda at one time, or because he just saw me. Haha, it's the little things that keep me going. :)

How Did This Happen?

We went in for these:

 

And came out with these:

Apparently, this happened to at least 5 other of my engaged and married friends, some of whom I consider quite frugal.

California or Bust!

Off to sunny California for the first time for my ol' roommate's wedding. Hope to stop here for some wine for our upcoming honeymoon.  

Wish the fiancé were with me this time.

I can't wait to live in the same city as he does!

Roommates: Preparing to take the next steps.

Checking Off the List

1. Buy wedding bands - check
2. Pick readings - check
3. Schedule rehearsal - check
4. Pick music for ceremony - check

Final Dress Fitting!

It fits. I love it. And apparently most brides lose up to 6 pounds in the last two weeks. Sweet.

Free To Be Me

I love this song because it reminds me of how God has worked in my life over the last two years and how for the first time in my life, I am in a relationship with a man who loves me and accepts me for who I am. I will never be able to thank God enough for that. 

After I came back from Christmas in Wisconsin, I had a strong feeling that things would move quickly with this old friend. I also had a hunch that he was everything I had been praying for. We had been e-mailing volumes to each other to catch up on the last 4 years since he first contacted me a week earlier. Internet connectivity was sparse at my parents' home and with every e-mail I received from him, I got really, really excited. He shared stories of growing up, music, trips, goals and ideals - all of which really resonated with me. He wrote things that were funny - and so did I - and I realized that we "got" each others humor. It was such a special time for us. I've never before been so excited. I thought that for sure he would be engaged to someone within a year and I was going to do everything in my power to be sure that it was me. :)

The day I flew back, I went early to an evening Mass. When I arrived no one was there and the lights were out. The door was open, however, so I walked in and knelt in front of the tabernacle. I felt called to pray many prayers of thanksgiving. God had been listening to me all that time after all. And, He decided provide a partner perfectly fit for me. Many don't seem to experience that privilege. I am so grateful. Praise God!

Engagement Party in Motor City

Fifty friends and family gathered for this enjoyable celebration hosted by the fiancé's parents. We learned how to feather bowl and met a bunch of family and friends this weekend at Bath City Bistro!

We were really touched by the number of people who came, generously brought gifts, and shared heartfelt best-wishes to us, including several seminarians and a couple of priests. Most of his colleagues came as well - and joined in the bowling.

There was a mini car show in Mt. Clemens that night, so we walked around after the party. We joined his parents in opening gifts in the evening. I was completely moved! We received a bunch of our registry items, even though we didn't ask for gifts. There were many nice notes and cards - one of which we received three times. The fiancé has already started the thank yous. The wedding is so much nearer. We've got just over 2 months now!

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

We've been thinking about grammar a lot because of those wedding invites, e-mails, web site, and other items that go out to a large number of people. Last week, I called my mom to verify the spelling of "presence" because it looked wrong on our invitations. I'm now convinced that I had been simply looking at them for too long, haha. However, this article was pretty apropos and hilarious, if I do say so myself! (P.S. I am marrying a "reformed" grammar Nazi. We'll see how reformed he is . . . ;)

Ahhhhhhh . . . :)

Nothing like whipping out 225 invitations in 2 hours! (That is, putting stamps on envelopes and tying them together. We will address them next weekend.) We had a little invitation party over here on Saturday night. The process of preparing these beautiful invitations became a little more labor-intensive than I originally thought because we had to burn the ends of the bows, which were unraveling after being cut. But they do look amazing now if I do say so myself!

What better to offer as a drink than Mike's hard *pink* lemonade? I couldn't resist. Although, I did notice that my sister and I were the only ones drinking it . . . So I'm kicking back with another tonight! :)

The Lord has been so kind to me in the last 24 hours. I'm so grateful for *feeling* back to par. It has been difficult to adjust to a new location over the last month. I'm kind of a nomad between now and when I get married. For 4 years I lived 2 miles from a beautiful church that I could easily get to before or after work. Now I live 15 miles from a church with no convenient daily Masses times unless one doesn't have far to commute. I've also had an irregular work schedule, scattered with travel. It's been difficult to establish a normal pattern, which has really frustrated me. My spiritual director, however, gave me some good advice: don't think about these issues as being insurmountable. So I've been praying to get back my old cheer. One of my colleagues even said last week: "a lot of things annoy you." (Boo. :( ) I read this article, which made me think about taking personal responsibility for my behavior. That and a successful work event tonight, drizzled with compliments on my competence, really helped me to feel back in control of my life. Thank you, Jesus! Now I will begin my new regime! :)

Anxious and Worried About Many Things

Caravaggio's Martha and Mary Magdalene

God certainly has a sense of humor. Yesterday, I went to a noon Mass not knowing that it was being offered for my intentions. (I like how the priest never announces it. I find it more meaningful that way.) After Mass, I had some business to discuss with the celebrant, who had a big smile to share. "Did you know today's Mass was offered for you and your intentions?" 

What a great gift. I was (and still am) so preoccupied with wedding details and my summer work schedule that I haven't really been thinking about much else. How apropos that it was the feast of St. Martha. The more I think about it, the less coincidental I think it is:

Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her. -Luke 10:41-42

Photo Credit: Caravaggio, www.Lib-Art.com

Updo

The trial run went well last night, but I can't post any photos lest I break the "groom cannot see the bride rule." Apparently, others have spent much more time thinking about this than I have.

Eighty Days!

Our invitations have arrived! I cannot wait to put them together and get them in the mail.

#3685: Speaking of Selfless

You know that you are marrying the right man when he consistently puts you before himself. I've been humbled and inspired many times by his selflessness. This weekend we got out of work (my work) pretty late. I really, really, really wanted to go on a date (something that this long-distance relationship makes almost impossible). We were exhausted, but he took me to the Silver Diner. He insisted on driving the 40 minutes back to my temporary home. When we arrived, he rubbed my feet, because they really hurt from the heels I was in all night. He rubbed my shoulders, too, because I always get shoulder tension after this particular event. I fell right to sleep. He then went to sleep on a couch. I am so grateful for his unconditional love. It is an amazing reflection of what God's love for me must be!

Interesting Reading Today

Fidelity to one's spouse is made up of small duties:

• No one else should occupy one's heart and life other than one's spouse;
• Spouses ought to give each other warmth and affection so that their love would not grow cold;
• They must work at understanding and respecting each other;
• They must get to know each other so deeply that they immediately know what would make the other happy;
• They must attend to each other's smallest needs and concerns.

Many little things are easily overlooked because one forgets or takes them for granted. Yet remember that to deny one's spouse or child any token of love, no matter how small, is to deny Christ himself. One cannot underestimate the value of the little details because these spell the difference between success and failure in a marriage. Only the person who cares for the little things in daily life will hear at one's deathbed these words of Christ, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master."

-Javier Abad & Eugenio Fenoy, Marriage: A Path to Sanctity

The Battle for Selflessness

What we wanted to do this weekend:

1. Buy wedding rings
2. Meet with the priest
3. Take some normal photos of us
4. Read a little bit about marriage
5. Make a holy hour together
6. Go on one date
7. Get some rest

What we did this weekend:

1. Arrive home at 1:30 AM on Saturday after fiancé's delayed flight
2. Meet with the priest
3. Spent 10.5 hours at my work activity on Saturday afternoon
4. Go to Silver Diner at 12:20 AM on Sunday to try to have a date during which I almost fell asleep on fiancé's shoulder
5. Babysit and visit with family
6. Go to Mass
7. Drop fiancé off at airport

Poop. I'm still working on the holy resilience!

Me in Eighty-Eight Days (Minus the Head Wreath)

Weekend Conference

The fiancé flew in for our weekend conference. We prepared with 25 other couples, two of whom are getting married this coming weekend! We had about 18 talks and breakout sessions during which we talked about every imaginable issue that was important to us, including roles, finances, and daily schedules. It was an excellent opportunity to break from the normal pace of life and really discuss in depth how we'd like our marriage to look. We had a 2-3 very fruitful conversations, for which I am grateful.

It was kind of fun to meet other couples and hear their stories as well. There were several "mixed" marriages, which we discovered were referred to as "interfaith" by our Baptist/Catholic breakfastmates. Most of the people were our ages. Several of them were ethnically diverse.

An older couple, a younger couple, and a priest led most of the discussions. It was great to hear their experiences, discoveries, and suggestions. Most of the day was focused on conversations about our feelings, so it was a little exhausting after about 10 hours. Though he was a good sport, the fiancé passed me a note just before dinner on Saturday saying that he was done talking about his feelings and he needed a beer.

It was really, really, really nice to be in a setting away from work and not to be recognized by anyone. We listened and laughed and talked about how other couples makes us glad to be with each other. ;)

Bummer.

I just realized that this song I wanted for the father/daughter dance is actually about a mother!

Blessed Kateri, Pray for Us!

Today is the Feast of Blessed Kateri! She's a special intercessor for the fiancé and I. As early as 2007, he prayed at her tomb for my happiness.

When I began my job, a priest gave me a relic of Bl. Kateri, which I keep on my desk with a prayer for her canonization. Unfortunately, there is not much known about her life, besides that she was scarred and nearly blinded at a young age from the small pox; she converted to Christianity when Christians were still persecuted (and killed) by her tribe; and she was a consecrated virgin, who served the sick and aged, dying at the young age of twenty-four.

Last November, I was able to visit the North American Martyrs Shrine in Auriesville, New York. There, two newlywed friends promised to pray through her intercession that I would meet my future spouse soon. They also visited her tomb on their honeymoon and prayed for me there. (Don't I have the best friends?!?!)

Just one month later, the fiancé contacted me again. Thanks be to God! Blessed Kateri, help us to imitate your innocence and faith.

Photo Credit: Einar Einarsson Kvaran (Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi, Santa Fe, New Mexico)

Handsome Little Man Suiting Up

It's funny to think about what different places we were in until last year. This little guy was 5 1/2 when I was born. I was in 6th grade when he was a senior in high school. His last year of law school was my first year of undergrad. I don't remember the 80's; he loves them.

We met when he had 4 years of professional experience under his belt; I had a 2-month-old real estate license. Yet, beyond all of these things, we really hit it off!

Two years ago, our time in service to the church coincided. Slowly, we were coming to the same place. Sometimes, it's amazing to me how things happened!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Sometimes the Lord cracks me up. He apparently thinks that I can handle a lot more than I think I can.

When I first got engaged, one of my colleagues who just got married said that she and her husband were contemplating buying a new place before the wedding. She told him that she didn't want to because she could only handle one major change at a time.

A little while later, my boss told me that the biggest causes of depression are life-changes, like marriage or the birth of a child.

Last night, I met our old landlords to get a piece I had left in the house. They were really excited for us and asking me all about the wedding plans. Then she said, "I can only handle two major changes at one time," referring to her wedding and move.

How will my life change in the next 4 months, let me count the ways:

1. Marriage
2. Move 550 miles
3. New job (please, God!)
4. Possible pregnancy

The funny thing is that I'm not so stressed out about it at the moment. I think the most beneficial thing that will come of this, is that the fiance and I will grow together as a couple. He has a lot of adjustments to make too - and a lot of new pressures. I'm looking forward to working with him through our new challenges and joys. And I still think that I will like marriage 100x more than being single!

Meanwhile, the little chapel near his work may become my favorite place and my Bible bookmark may be found anywhere in the Psalms.

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46

Wedding Dreams

Perhaps these are the first steps to becoming Bridezilla! Two nights ago, I dreamed that we were getting married in Wisconsin that day, everyone had forgotten about our wedding, and I was frantically calling everyone - including the groom - to be sure that they were still going to be there. Last night, I dreamed that we were getting married at David's Bridal, the ceremony was about to take place (all the priests were there), and we realized that someone had stolen my wedding dress. David's Bridal's people were telling me that having my wedding dress wasn't really that important at that point and I should just put on a small black & white dress that they had. I was telling them that it was important, and just before I started to cry, I woke up.

Admittedly, I need help.

In Defense of "A Short Engagement" (*Gasp*)

I've heard from many, many people now referring to our little arrangement as a "short engagement." In a way, it's true. It is 6.5 months. The national average is 17 months. (And we only dated for 3.5 months before that point.) However, I'm somewhat dismayed that the "short engagement" is usually said with a negative tone. We think that there are a lot of good reasons to "get the show on the road" once you discern that you want to marry each other.

For example, we have our ages and experience in our favor. This may not be the case for two people who are 21, but that is not us. We've both traveled extensively, held jobs on or near Capitol Hill, and served the church for a few years. We've also both considering serving the church as celibates and concluded that we could best serve God as married people living in the world. We've discussed many, many issues that often cause friction among married couples today, not the least of which are intimacy, spending money, and raising children. We have also recognized flaws/issues in each other which we have discussed. We do not feel that we are entering into a relationship with perfect people, but we do feel that we are entering into a relationship with people who are perfect for us.

Other considerations include the negative effects of delaying marriage. We believe in the benefits of extending abstinence until the point that vows are exchanged. Besides all of the positive physical and psychological benefits of this approach, it makes the wedding day itself truly special. Most people who have a year-and-a-half long engagement period are not doing the same thing.

Also, consider the damaging statement sent to a woman, who has invested time, energy, and love in the prime of her life to a special person, who is just not quite sure that he is ready to marry her. Having been in such a relationship and watching many of my girlfriends experience such relationships, I can say that wasting a woman's time is something to be concerned about. Conversely, what a compliment is it to a woman, with whom a man has dated and discerned that he should get married, when he proposes shortly thereafter? What does that tell her? I am not just playing around. I really love you. I am committed to you. I'm ready to sacrifice for you and change my life so that we can be together. When it comes to love, actions really do speak louder than words.

One of the attributes I prayed that my spouse would have was motivation. I really, really wanted to be with a man of action. Not just any action, but a man who informs himself and then moves ahead based on the information he has gleaned; a man who, once he has discerned the right course of action, actually performs the action. As my dear old roommate likes to say (from John Wayne): Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. Thanks be to God, I got more than what I asked for!

The Invitation Saga

Yet another more-difficult-than-one-would-expect-project. It began about 4 weeks ago when a friend and I went to look at Office Depot, A.C. Moore, and Michael's to see where we could get the best invitations for our money. It was surprisingly difficult to find any set (online or otherwise) that used post cards for responses, which will end up saving us a few dollars on postage.

We e-mailed professional printers, who sent us paper samplings, printing costs, etc. How much with return addresses printed on the back of envelopes, etc. (I decided that it was worth saving the $100 and hand-writing the return addresses.) We asked ourselves:

• Should we buy our own, design them and print them ourselves (need to pay for ink, lots of work) or
• Should we buy our own, design one and have a Kinkos print them (saves money, but perhaps looks cheap) or
• Should we have a printer use paper that we bought with our design (easier, saves less money) or
• Should we have a printer use his paper and evelopes and print what we design (easiest, a little pricier)

So we locked in a great printer, who had a good working relationship with my friend. We were happy to pay people who treat us professionally, especially if the cost is within $50-$75 of doing everything ourselves.

The next question was the language. I was so grateful to have the fiancé's help on this one! What do we choose? Everyone is helping us in some way (and we are covering some if it as well). Miss Manners doesn't have an answer for this one!

• Bride & Groom Host (Formal)
• Bride & Groom Host (Informal)
• Bride's Parents Host
• Bride & Groom's Parents Host (they are each hosting a reception in our hometowns)

Luckily we were limited by the links that were actually working on that web page. We were also limited by the space available on our stylish and small invites! Now that we have the language in, we need to find red ribbon on sale (it almost always is at A.C. Moore or Michael's) and purchase it in bulk.

Next stop: the guest list. I recently receive this article, from a friend who was trying to help us make a few decisions. I was floored that any non-married person would write such an article about an endeavor that he was not willing to undertake himself. Yet, this is what people do: offer unsolicited advice. I think I will resort to the, "Oh, are you offering to pay for that?"

T-100. :)

One Hundred Days!

Today the Knot says that our wedding is just one hundred days away! Here's a thought from Tertullian:

How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit. -CCC 1642, quoting Tertullian

Surprise Weekend!

This weekend, I drove into Detroit to surprise my man with an earlier-than-expected visit. I thought surely I was busted when I was "driving home" from work for over an hour. But one benefit of those long attorney workdays, is that they have him good and wiped out at the end of the day. So, on Friday morning, I surprised him at his office with my presense and a fresh chai latte. (We have to take advantage of these before-kids opportunities!)

We were able to look at a bunch of properties, finish our wedding website, set our invitation language, pick out a few readings, spend time with his family, and even make a trip to Lake Michigan!

The drive was so beautiful, I often wondered why I don't travel more! Ironically, I saw 11 cops (9 of whom were in Ohio) and not one of them stopped me!

Thought of the Day:

“Persevere in the exact fulfillment of the obligations of the moment. That work – humble, monotonous, small – is prayer expressed in action that prepares you to receive the grace of the other work – great and wide and deep – of which you dream.” –St. Josemaria Escriva

Three-and-a-Half Months!

But who is counting?

I like this photo because he was laughing at something I said. (I admit it: I'm horribly vain.) If someone laughs at my jokes, I love him forever! :)

Aghast!

Today I saw a CV from a gentleman who is still in school, has had no full-time work experience besides the summers in between school, and passed off 3 pages of "experience" with a typo in it. Dude, you're not important enough for a CV yet. Stick with the perfected, one-page résumé. Thank you!

Pertinent Reflections from Evening Prayer

By waiting and by calm you shall be saved;

In quiet and in trust your strength lies.

-Isaiah 30:15

Commit your life to the Lord;

Trust in Him and He will act,

So that your justice breaks forth like the light,

Your cause like the noon-day sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait in patience;

Do not fret at the man who prospers,

A man who makes evil plots to bring down the needy and the poor.

Calm your anger and forget your rage;

Do not fret, it only leads to evil.

For those who do evil shall perish;

The patient shall inherit the land.

A little longer - and the the wicked shall have gone.

Look at his place; he is not there.

But the humble shall own the land,

And enjoy the fullness of peace.

-Psalm 37

Source: Evening Prayer (Liturgy of the Hours) 6-30-10

New Hair

On Friday, my stylist added the last color treatments to my hair. We combined two colors to get a medium "ash," which was the closest we could come to my natural color.

I really hate to challenge the professionals, but in this case I'm so glad I did. He was going to use a darker color, but I insisted that his color was darker than my natural color. This is the end result, which is probably as close as I am going to get to au naturel. Just a few more shampoos and trips to the beach and I will look like my old self.

Such A Special Year!

Every previous year on my birthday (after the age of 4), I thought about getting married. Not that I felt that the entire worth of my life was dependent upon getting married, but (with the right person) it sure could improve me. But, the older I got, the more I wondered if I would ever get married.

Then, an old friend came knocking. He was very direct, purposeful, and flattering. He told me just before we started dating that I had "way too much going for [me] to be single forever." (Flattery will get you everywhere.) He also said that he could see me married within the next two years. I thought that that was a bit bold, but I do love assertiveness in a man. I decided to explain to him all of the reasons why it was just as possible that I would be single forever (not willing to marry the wrong person just to get married, etc.) We went back and forth. Then I thought: he can put up with my crap. I really like him. I think that was the first time I thought that he was probably the man for me.

So this year, it was so wonderful to spend my birthday with my very best friend, the one who challenges and encourages me, and the one who sacrifices every day for me. Praise God!

On the Job

Love Is:

• Ordering a U-Haul van two days in advance for fiancée.
• Flying out on Friday after a 65-hour workweek.
• Picking up a van in near-100 degree weather, and moving fiancée.
• Helping fiancée dispose of a bed that no one wanted.
• Bringing fiancée some refreshing water, while she stays cool in car.
• Taking fiancée on a special birthday date!

He's a keeper.

Centerpiece Options

Here are some of our centerpiece options. My bridesmaids have offered to help put them together. (Don't I have the best team?!?!) Which do you like best?

Gerber daisies = 80 stems for $75 at Costco (retail $3.75 per stem)

Clear glass lily bowl = 6 for $4 each at Save on Crafts (retail $9.00 each)

Roses = 125 stems for $150 at Costco 

The average cost of floral table centerpieces is $1,272 according to The Bridal Association of America. (The average period of engagement is also 17 months, haha! I'm pretty sure that we are average in none of the categories!)

Wedding Website Almost Finished!

We are getting so close to having all of the guest details set! Yesterday, we reserved our hotel rooms. We are so happy with the rates! (Thanks to the fiancé's dad, who found the best deal.)

We're also almost ready to order our invitations. One of my colleagues is helping me to research and select the best design/price. I had no idea that you could pick up stylish wedding invitations at Office Depot for literally 1/4 of most prices! (They also sell blue gel pen inserts for much less than the price of full pen replacements.)

Wedding services have come so far in the last couple of decades. I'm amazed at how helpful TheKnot.com has been. They offer their services to brides-to-be for free, and provide websites with wedding, reception, directions, registries, and rsvp options for your guests. Of course, we are sending elegant hard-copy invitations, but our guests may also find all necessary information online - in one place. Going to a wedding has never been so easy!

Floral Adventure

Heidi and I walk into the local florist (there is only one).

No one is in sight.

We notice that the place smells like animals.

A cat tears across the lobby floor.

A couple of minutes pass.

We walk around the lobby, looking at floral arrangements.

Suddenly, a woman from that back says, "Oh, Hello!" as though she did not see us until then. "May I help you?"

Me: "yes. I am getting married down the street in a few months and would like to talk with someone about bouquet options and prices."

Attendant (curtly): "you need to speak with Jane Smith . . ." writing down number on a piece of paper, "at this number." She hands us a sheet of paper and starts toward the back room.

Heidi: "Is it possible to order gerber daisies in bulk and what would that rate be?"

Attendant (annoyed): "They are $3.75 each, but you need to speak with Jane, okay?"

Heidi and I: "Thank you for your help."

We leave and called the church to see which florists they use. It couldn't possibly be the same place! But it was. Apparently, the other florist in town went out of business. Whatever happened to healthy competition?

I have two appointments with out-of-area-florists next week and will hopefully find a talented, polite florist between them. We plan to cut back by arranging the centerpieces ourselves and using the professional florist for bouquets and boutonnieres. It's frustrating that the prices for everything are significantly higher if they are for a wedding (hair, food, hall, flowers, etc.) even though you are getting the exact same thing. I'm crossing my fingers and pulling out those rusty negotiating skills. :)

Let Me Count the Ways . . .

#3684 would be: the cowboy boots. I met this man in Washington, D.C. -- in the middle of the city -- wearing cowboys boots. Unless you are from here or currently live here, you won't understand how unusual it is to find anyone who 1) knows where to find cowboys boots, or 2) would wear them.

Often, I was out on the town in my decent, discount heels, surrounded by men in Prada, which (in my humble opinion) is only okay if the man is pope. So when I saw the fiancé walking around confidently in his country footwear, it brought a huge smile to my face, and it still does whenever I think about it!

Times Are Changing

he roommates and I have been busy packing up the house, throwing bridal showers, engagement parties, and last minute get-togethers before we endeavor upon 3 new adventures. We sat on the couch on Sunday morning for the first time in months, together and alone, for the last time.

The moments are bitter-sweet. It has been almost 3 years, and we have gone through significant changes in that time. Each of us has grown and really come into our own. And, as Fr. H. loves to say, when one is finally comfortable where he is, God normally calls him on. It's exciting and scary at the same time. We have the peace of knowing that wherever we are, we will be praying for each other.

A guest paid us the highest compliment the other day. She said that our home was truly joy-filled -- a Christ-like place, full of charity, warmth and welcome. She even went so far as to say that she aspires to be the same way. I was genuinely touched and pray that that is always truly the case!

#3683: Expanded

#3683: He really values integrity. I have always been struck by how accurately and thoroughly he communicates - breaking the ruthless attorney stereotype. Often times when we are talking, I exaggerate. He stops and asks for clarification. I say that I am exaggerating. Then he says that the issue's exactness is actually important for x, y, and z reasons with a, b, and c consequences.

He is a huge believer in doing what is right, regardless of what is easy. And again, this is demonstrated more through his actions than flowery words. He desires to do the right thing, whether that be paying the exact amount of taxes he owes; calling me and telling me where he is going and what he is doing; or working on the weekends so that our weekends together are free from distractions. I'm so glad that the Lord chose such a man for me. I really know that he loves me, and see God's love for me through him!

Generous DC Drivers?

Actually overheard today:

I have always been impressed by how generous drivers are. I never get cut off and I drive over 36,000 miles per year. The people who get cut off are generally the people who drive too aggressively.

I was aghast, but genuinely tickled to be called "wild" again!

Grateful!

Today, I get to see my spiritual director. In the midst of about 5 deadlines, I get 100 minutes of peace. Thank you, Jesus! :)

Four Months and Counting!

This morning, I was awoken at 6:15 by my favorite person, who wanted to let me know that he was thinking of me. The morning call has become a little ritual since I've adjusted my schedule to fit in a workout before Mass. His calls really mean a lot to me. There's nothing like waking up in the morning and immediately being reminded that someone really cares about you and wants you to have a great, productive day!

We are normally on our way to church at that hour, which reminds me of reason #3,682 that I am so grateful to be marrying this man: his spiritual life. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart, I know that he prays for me at the same time and in the same way that I pray for him. His love for God shines forth in a million little ways, having to do with actions more than flowery words. He desires to serve others and is always serving me when we are together. He always helps with whatever needs to be done (dishwashing and dinner prep included) while I'm working on other chores. He's flown and driven thousands of miles over the last 6 months, many times for fewer than 48 hours so that we could be together for the weekend. Then he turns right around to begin more intense, demanding workweeks. He is a good man.

Reason #3,683 would be that he really values integrity. I have always been struck by how accurately and thoroughly he communicates - breaking the ruthless attorney stereotype. But that's another blog post . . .

What Makes A Good Marriage Last?

Yesterday, there were many posted commentaries on Catholic blogs and other sources (NewAdvent.org, etc.) regarding the split of former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Mary Elizabeth, commonly known as "Tipper." It's particularly disheartening from the perspective of someone going into marriage for the first time, especially considering that this separation comes after both pitching himself as the "faithful" politician in the wake of the Clinton scandal involving Monica Lewinsky AND having already worked through 40 years of marriage with his wife.

Today, I spoke with two parties, who were losing their spouse/significant others after 20 years and 5 years of commitment. Needless to say, that is really disheartening!

I am admittedly a little phobic (meaning that I think that what happens to most people will also happen to me) unless I can identify the cause and not let that cause happen. So, as I was listening to these conversations, one thing rang true in both cases: the party leaving did not share the faith or values of the brokenhearted party.

So, I looked up the next book on my reading list, Three to Get Married, for a quick little shot of encouragement before I left work with divorce on my mind. Here's a little nougat:

It takes three to make Love in Heaven--

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

It takes three for Heaven to make love to earth--

God, Man, and Mary, through whom God became Man.

It takes three to make love in the Holy Family--

Mary, and Joseph, and the consummation of their love, Jesus.

It takes three to make love in hearts--

The Lover, the Beloved, and Love.

To that Woman

Who taught the sublime mystery of Love,

Mary Immaculate,

This book is dedicated.

That nations, hearts, and homes may learn

That love does not so much mean to give oneself to another

As for both lovers to give themselves to that Passionless Passion,

Which is God.

A Simple Thank You

Last week, one of our partnering organizations sent me a cyclamen as a way to thank me for spreading the word about their events over the last two years. I was so grateful for this gesture, especially because I really try to keep an accurate, centralized listing for our target audience. Often times, I feel overwhelmed because of the number of new events, changes to events, and some research work that I inevitably have to do to get accurate information on our calender, which is just a small component of my job. Still, every week I notice at least one error and I wonder, when will this be perfect?

Sometimes, it's hard to remember the successes or the ways people have been helped. One time, I noticed a doubling in attendance of an event after we began promoting it; another more notable success was when a girlfriend e-mailed me to thank me for my work. She said that she has never been so happy in her life. Praise God!

I really hope that my work always helps others, whether coordinating events, serving coffee, or changing diapers. It is a daily struggle to remain motivated, cheerful, and productive - just one of the joys of life on earth. St. Josemaría, pray for us.

How Long Until October Again?

This long-distance thing is really difficult, although we do have a blast when we are together!

One of my married girlfriends gave us this meditation and prayer to us to reflect upon as we prepare for marriage. It's helped me focus on the purpose of sacramental union:

At the wedding reception in Cana, when they ran out of wine, Jesus was there for them and performed His first miracle by changing water to wine. It showed His concern for the newlyweds and the Sacrament of marriage. Jesus will always be there for both of you. Love was the foundation of what He taught.

Dear Jesus, bless this union as we start our lives together as man and wife. Bless our home with Your sacred presence. Give us the joy which you left with that unknown couple at Cana. May Your peace live always in our hearts and in our home. Amen.

Weekend Adventure #2: Men's Formal Attire

Is it just me, or do men start out shopping with less patience, because they've already submitted to doing something that they hate? We made the most of this trip, although I was somewhat shocked that the service was so slow and the attitude apathetic. (It started with a limp handshake.)

At the end of the trip we had selected colors and removed one supplier from the list of options.

"Let Him Have the Gun . . ."

". . . or he will be bored out of his mind," came through my cell phone the voice of an unnamed relative, who loves to give unsolicited advice. So, I asked the fiancé and he agreed: the bridal registry is boring as that bad word. Here he is after we spent hours at Macy's (and went through 2 dysfunctional scanners) for bedding and bath goods; and an hour at Target. We were trying to answer the final question: "How did two blenders end up on our registry?" The best part of the trip was realizing that many items were placed out in front of the wrong bar codes at Target. The good news? We researched and placed the items of the best value on our registry, including many items for $20 or under, and even more for less than $40. I'm mostly proud of our dinner sets for $35! Each of Target's items have reviews online. It was shocking how some of the cheaper items had better reviews!

The Importance of Being Whole

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A  relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
         ~Oprah Winfrey

Oprah may not be my role model in all things, but she has suffered a lot throughout her life. There is a certain wisdom that comes from overcoming bad experiences.

The fiancé and I were just talking about this. It is so easy to enter into a relationship because it initially assuages your wounds. There is nothing so wonderful as knowing that the life of another is greatly touched by yours - a life that would be devastated without you. But sooner or later - if you have serious baggage - the object of your affection will not be able to assuage your wounds enough. They will resurface and one or both of you will feel betrayed. One or both of you will feel resentment. 
 
Ironically, I am grateful for the past suffering I've been through. It really forced me to focus on my fears and insecurities. I used to never let men get close to me because I was afraid that they would abandon me. After all, it happens all the time. I was confident that I could initially attract a man, get him to ask me out, and to think about me constantly for a few months. That part was easy. But to expect him to see all of me, and love all of me for life - would that ever happen?
 
I'm not ashamed to write this or to talk about it because it's a fear that almost every woman has. In fact, I'm confident enough to question the sanity of any woman who claims that this is not the case.
 
Though I'm a novice in overcoming this fear, so far I've discovered something amazing! It doesn't really matter whether a man displays initial interest and then walks away, or whether he proposes and then breaks up with me (although this would be extremely painful). The point is that in the end the only security I have - which is all I need - is that God loves me unconditionally and is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to reveal Himself to me completely in all His glory. I won't ever have complete security before the afterlife.
 
Having said as much, to coin the fiancé's phrase, I am so grateful to be with someone who really cares for me, understands me, and tries to let me know every day how much he cares. I'm completely confident that he'll be with me in good times and bad. He understands the importance of being a whole person too, and works on himself every day. We both have overcome obstacles, anchored ourselves on the cross, and - I believe - are ready for the challenges of marriage.
 
Toward the end of Wednesday's talk (linked to the title of this post), the speaker mentions the capacities for intimacy and aloneness, and the importance of having both. She advises being flexible with one's spouse, and being open to giving/receiving the intimacy one needs from family and friends as well as one's spouse. She uses the analogy of a beer stein and a shot glass - the capacities for intimacy. She claims to have a been stein, while her engineer, left-brain husband has a shot glass. Coming to an acceptable compromise, he spends more time in prayer first and she fills up her beer stein 90% of the way through family and friends.
 
I'm excited to learn how this all plays out in married life, but so far, I'd say that the fiancé and I are both beer steins. :)